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This is part of a difficult journey, but I think it's worth it.

Any of you who know our family well probably know a little bit about our Son. And, if you know anything about Son, you know that he is a bit more shy and timid than Husband or myself. Son is well-known for saying things like:

I'm too scared to ask...
I can't go by myself...
I don't want them to talk to me...
Everyone will look at me...

While I am definitely the most extroverted of my household, I am guilty of struggling with the very same fears. My inner thoughts just look a little bit differently:

I'm too nervous to ask for help.
I don't want to be alone. 
They wouldn't like me if they really knew me.
People think I'm weird. 

Regardless of how our thoughts differ, it is clear that we share similar fears. Specifically, the fear to be who we are, who God created us to be. This fear can also be describes as the fear of man. In other words, we are overly concerned what others think of us. (Feel free to read my last blog post for more on this topic, or just look below at the motivational mug I received as a birthday gift and reminder to stop caring so much about what other people think. 😜)

Interestingly, fear is quite the paradox. Grappling with great fear means the provision of great opportunities to be courageous. In fact, as Husband and I struggle to parent a child with great fears, we also continually face opportunities to teach Son about courage. Thus, although we may share in fear, we may also share in the hope for transformation.

Today, the pastor of the church we are now attending (let's call it C...and, yes, I'll write about leaving our longtime home-church, K, later...) preached about God's plan for the family. These words of his resonate with me:

What you don't transform, you transfer.

Oh, how I want God to transform the fear in my own heart into great courage! Part of that process, however, involves me facing my fears and challenging them. In other words, I need to do the very thing of which I am afraid... over and over again. When I am nervous to ask someone for help at a store, I need to do it. When I am worried about spending a day all alone, I need to do it. When I am scared to be myself around other people, I need to do it. When I am afraid to share what is on my heart because I may not "fit in," I need to do it. In facing these fears, I am transforming. In transforming, I am demonstrating to my Son that he too is empowered by the Holy Spirit to do the same. This is courageous transformation.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." - 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Lord, search my heart, and transform it. I want to be more like you. Help me to continually be open, ready, and willing to face my fears so that I may be courageous, as you have called me to be. And, let my obedience produce eternal fruit that permeates through our family. I pray that as we struggle with the sin in our lives, you would bless our efforts. Break the chains of dysfunction from passing any further in our family, and capture the heart of our Son. He is yours. We love you. Amen. 


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