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Showing posts from 2017

Make a better place for you and for me.

Some of you know about our recent transition to a new church. This was a huge change for us! We have been attending this church since January, and Husband played bass for the first time on their stage this past Sunday. Because he was serving in that capacity, I sat through our usual "early" church service alone. While I sat there, I felt a sensation reminiscent of our time at our former church, K. There, our family felt disjointed in some ways. Husband served in certain areas, and I served in certain areas; but it often felt like we were performing in side-by-side juggling acts. Here, at our new church (C), our family has begun to experience more connectivity. Although I have some conflicting thoughts (as well as some emotional baggage to unpack) regarding some of the areas Husband and I may feel called to serve now (Where do I even feel called to serve?); seeing Husband on that particular stage with that particular team, offering his talents to the Lord in worship gave me s…

I will make you queen of everything you see.

* The Sacrifice of Motherhood 

Love involves sacrifice. When we love one another, we sacrifice our time, energy, and sometimes even our desires (i.e., going to eat Chinese food with a loved one even though you really want a big, juicy cheeseburger). These sacrifices demonstrate to the others that we care about what is important to them  (i.e., Chinese food) and beyond that, that we are invested in who they are. Mothers are constantly faced with opportunities to demonstrate this kind of love. Here are just a few examples:

Mom takes off work to attend her child's holiday party at school. Mom stays up all night to care for her sick child. Mom sits with her child at the end of a long day and watches    (insert kid's favorite television show)  instead of     (insert mom's favorite television show)   .
However, mothers are not only given such opportunities to demonstrate love towards their children. They are additionally faced with pressures to sacrifice beyond demonstrations of love

This is part of a difficult journey, but I think it's worth it.

Any of you who know our family well probably know a little bit about our Son. And, if you know anything about Son, you know that he is a bit more shy and timid than Husband or myself. Son is well-known for saying things like:

I'm too scared to ask...
I can't go by myself...
I don't want them to talk to me...
Everyone will look at me...

While I am definitely the most extroverted of my household, I am guilty of struggling with the very same fears. My inner thoughts just look a little bit differently:

I'm too nervous to ask for help.
I don't want to be alone. 
They wouldn't like me if they really knew me.
People think I'm weird. 

Regardless of how our thoughts differ, it is clear that we share similar fears. Specifically, the fear to be who we are, who Godcreated us to be. This fear can also be describes as the fear of man. In other words, we are overly concerned what others think of us. (Feel free to read my last blog post for more on this topic, or just look below a…

The more you change the less you feel.

Do not give equal weight to the voices in your life. (Or in your head, for that matter!)
Some of us may be quite fortunately surrounded by friends and family who love us and demonstrate that love by speaking words of kindness to us. However, it would be ignorant to think that all are so fortunate. Regardless, even those of us who feel adequately loved by others are partially captive to the double-edged sword that is the tongue. One of my favorite and most convicting scriptures is, "the words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12:18). At times, I have felt my heart sliced and diced by this weapon. Here are some of its mightiest moves:

You need ___________. 
You're the type of person who _______.
You struggle with ____________. 
You should really work on __________.
You always/never do __________.
You're not very good at __________. 

Previously, as people's opinions of me exited their lips and entered my ears, I rare…

You will find you've looked for a sign up above, but He was there in the dirt where you stood.

I want God to uproot this from my heart. I said those words recently. Out loud. After I said them, I was immediately met with Counselor's voice, speaking words to me along these lines,
"You already have everything that you need to do it yourself." For the sake of clarity, what I so badly wanted God to "uproot" at the time was this: my dependency upon attention, acceptance, and affirmation from others. (I'll write about this developed dependency another time, but for now, please bear with me.) And, I will not lie. In that moment, my internal response to Counselor's comment was not acceptance and understanding. It also was not offense or resistance. It was, however, a feeling of confusion. Why didn't he understand that I have no control over this issue? This has plagued me my whole life, and I have prayed over and over again that God would help me to overcome it; but I still feel powerless to it. How can I possibly have everything I need to do it my…

Let's go back, back to the beginning.

In true new year's fashion, I have spent the past few days cleaning up and cleaning out my house. Clothes, toys, books, and decor were purged. Trash bags were filled, tied, and delivered to their appropriate destinations. I sat in my candlelit living room at the end of my conquests and basked in the glory of the de-clutter. Sadly, there is still plenty left to do.

But, there's a saying that has been circulating social media (and life) these days: "If you don't love it, get rid of it." I guess whoever is behind marketing this idea is doing a pretty good job because I couldn't wait to begin this de-cluttering process in my own life. I eagerly grabbed items off of shelves and walls that I knew I didn't love. A sense of relief swept over me as I removed the "unlovable" items from my presence and rearranged those I deemed "lovable." While I organized and reorganized the "lovables", this thought replayed in my head: "I can'…

I think it's gonna be a good year.

Hello, 2017!I think you know what's happening here. At the risk of seeming cliché, I have resolved to start blogging again this year. YAY! 😊 To my former readers (all four of you), this may cause you to cringe. To my current readers, you may already be bored. Nonetheless, I will attempt to press onward in my efforts to use this blog as an outlet for the duration of this year. I have come to the conclusion that, despite the fears and insecurities that would paralyze me from typing these very words, writing is always beneficial to me. And, even if I am the only person who experiences this blog, then it will still be worth writing. 

That being said, I won't bore you (or myself) with an exceedingly lengthy first-post. I will, however, give a glimpse into what my life looks like right now - in 2017.
My Life (2017) I am 30 years old and not-so-anxiously awaiting my 31st birthday at the end of this month. Husband just turned 35 years old last month. Sheesh.Husband and I also celebrate…